Is being insecure a choice? When someone says: “you look great, but you’re insecure and that’s unattractive,” at that point wouldn’t every insecure human being ‘drop the act’ and be confident? If it was that easy I would of “gotten over” my insecurities from the onset. Being insecure – on the extreme end – has served me no favors in life. Not once has anyone described me as “humble” when I dismissed their compliment, to the contrary, the more I disagreed with their honeyed words the more I appeared to be fishing. Even knowing this now, accepting compliments is still an arduous task. How can someone believe something they do not see? For example, when I used to look in the mirror, I saw a handful of physical features that stood out… and none of them were pretty. If, at all, I did see an attractive feature a voice in my head was quick to point out a more important flaw. In light of my struggles with self-acceptance I have discovered, first hand, there is not only treatment for severe insecurities and even body dysmorphic disorder, but there is also a cure.
Around the age of 13 I began to obsess over perceived flaws. These imperfections did not register to me by just looking in the mirror. To be quite clear, I did not notice there was much wrong with my appearance until fellow classmates pointed out these so-called “defects.” The first incident that comes to mind took place in 8th grade (middle school for me.) A friend of a friend told me, (a few days before my parents forced me to move from California to Florida) “you have a five-head.” Okay then, damn. When I first heard those words I was confused but not yet hurt by the comment. A similar observation was hurled my way (as a freshman walking alone through the common area of my high-school) “hey big head!” That was the first time I felt the pain. At that instance I “knew” there was something obviously wrong with me. From there I had many incidences where someone known, or unknown to me made a slow-witted–or painfully clever–remark about my appearance. To contrast sounding like a meek victim of bullying, I either tried to fight, yell, or otherwise stand up for myself when I was mocked. Rarely did that work as no one was intimidated of my 5’6″, 100 lbs build. If at all a deterrent, I’ve heard my voice can be quite vexing – and I used that as compensation. Still, being a loud, belligerent bitch only caused more attention to my insecurities and holy shit were they used against me.
Unfortunately, the revelation that I attracted that which I hated the most escaped me most of my twenties and when reality sunk in, I realized how much of my life I had wasted in misery. What am I referring to, you might ask? Every negative comment, every criticism, every single time someone made a mockery of my appearance I had believed it as gospel. From there, I gave each and every negative comment energy and what happens when you manifest thoughts? The universe presents you with exactly what you asked for. It was when I first learned of this revelation that I reminisced each and every painful moment and understood why bullying was so present in my life. In no way am I dismissing the cruelty of my classmates and the crude comments from strangers; implying only that I believed these things about me and I obsessed over them – so there they were, ever so ingrained in my daily life. My thoughts of these perceived flaws were given such gravity that I couldn’t unsee them when someone would express admiration. The reality I chose to see was so concrete that, to this day, undoing the damaged is far from over – but I know now I am on the right path.
The secret to undoing the damage is fun and rewarding. What is the secret? The secret is: happy thoughts. So find what you love in life, discover your physical attributes, picture you as a happy and successful person and then OBSESS OVER THESE THINGS. When one thinks about obsession, all too often there is this negative connotation underlining the idea. However, when you choose to obsess over positivity you are manifesting goodness and re-wiring your brain to focus on happy triggers. A good practice, one that works very well for me to this day, is to get a notebook and list everything and ANYTHING that makes your heart flutter. These topics can include anything, for example: attractive traits, more money, your family and friends, your future dreams and even the name of a physical place you love. If you just want to write: “I am so happy,” that works! It is key to speak and write in present tense and as if you are currently experiencing the state – law of attraction plug. The reason for this is that the universe (or any higher form of power you choose) presents you with exactly that to which you believe. So if your state of mind is: I wish to be beautiful and healthy, the universe will mirror an existence where you are always wishing and never being. The important details for this exercise are that these things are your happy triggers, no one else’s. For each entry describe in infinite detail what you love about it. The reason for this is, our minds are incredibly susceptible to details and the greater your description, the stronger the manifestation. So take copious notes, re-read your lists and never stop adding to them.
To FINALLY conclude this entry, you might ask why I believe that “happy thoughts” are the key to fighting and winning the battle against insecurities. Well, the simple answer is: in my personal experience, the more focused my brain is on happiness, the less gray matter my brain has to store negativity.